The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own.
—Epictetus
There is a lesson underneath nearly everything we want to teach our kids. It is a heady one . . . and yet also a very simple one. The lesson you have to teach happens to be the core of Stoic philosophy, and also the key to success in life: We don’t control what happens in life. We control how we respond.
Your daughter thinks a teacher is unfair and doesn’t like them? Okay, that very well might be true. So what is she going to do about it? The coach says your son is too short to play basketball? Same thing. Screwed up and failed a math test? There’s a bully on the playground? Only got into their safety school? Same. Same. Same.
Teach your kids not to wallow in these misfortunes but to focus on what is next. Guide them to put their energy toward their response. Because that’s what’s up to them. That is the superpower they have. If you teach them that, they have it.