In the novel Siddhartha, the title character tries desperately to convince his son of the importance of the simple way of life, having learned the wisdom of it through painful experience. Like you, like all parents, he watches as his son ignores his warnings, despairing as he goes the wrong direction. Confiding his frustration to his friend, Vasudeva, Siddhartha is hit with this question: “Do you really believe you have committed your follies so that your son may be spared them?”
It would be wonderful if our kids didn’t have to learn through trial and error, if they could simply accept our advice and start where we left off, rather than touch the proverbial hot stove for themselves. But we should be wise enough as human beings by now to know that is simply not how life works. Much of what we learn has to be learned on our own. Some mistakes have to be made to be fully understood. Don’t your own experiences teach you that, anyway? How many of your parents’ warnings did you really heed? You can’t prevent your kids from making mistakes. You have to give them the space to learn on their own. But you can take solace in the knowledge that you’ve instilled the character, the awareness, and the willingness to ask for help that they will need in order to bounce back from the mistakes they will inevitably make.