General H. R. McMaster and his millennial daughter jokingly refer to her peers as the “start-my-orange-for-me generation.” Meaning the kids she grew up with can’t even peel an orange without having their parents get it going first. And now as adults they suffer for it. Because for as long as they’ve been conscious of it, their parents have been doing stuff like that for them. Whether it was science fair projects started the night before or arguing with teachers over (bad) grades they’d rightfully earned or funding the down payment for a house they couldn’t afford, McMaster’s daughter was surrounded by learned helplessness.
There are lots of reasons for this snowplow, helicopter parenting style: narcissism, fear, insecurity, economic uncertainty, and, of course, real love. Regardless of the emotion behind it, the effect is the same.
Our goal is to raise self-sufficient kids. So let them peel their own oranges. That doesn’t mean just let them struggle like the bean dad; it means teach them. It means encourage them. It means set expectations for them. It means let them go off on their own.