The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is so we might listen more and talk less.
—Zeno
Shortly after the release of his book Parents Who Lead, Dr. Stewart Friedman—an award-winning psychologist and a leading researcher on leadership and work-life integration—was asked what great new discoveries or insights he came across in the process of writing the book. “My favorite,” he said, “was about how much parents have to gain by learning how to listen to their children about what they really need.” Dr. Friedman elaborated: It’s often quite surprising to hear what’s actually on their minds and how you can be a better leader in your family when you know what’s in the hearts and minds of those precious people who look up to you. One father, who was keen to impress upon his son the value of curiosity and study, asked him what he was interested in learning. To his utter delight, his son said, “I want to learn to vacuum.” His son wanted to be useful; he wanted to contribute and have a purpose himself. You don’t really know, in other words, what’s inside until you pay attention, with dedication and compassion, like effective leaders do.
That little fellow is always trying to tell you things. Of course, it’s not always explicit. Sometimes “I want to learn to be useful” comes out as “I want to learn to vacuum.” Sometimes “I want to be a good friend” comes out
as “Can you drive me to Bobby’s house?” Sometimes “I want to be a writer” comes out as an awkward kid who doesn’t want to watch sports with you.
Still, they are always trying to tell you something. And you’ll hear them only if you’re really listening.