Even those of us who don’t think of ourselves as strict parents should stop and think about just how often our kids hear us say the word no. As in: “No, stop that.” “No, you can’t go out tonight.” “No, get off of there.” “No, we have to go home.” “No, I’m not buying you that.” “No, that’s not how you do that.”
It’s not that we’re demanding; it’s just that we care. This might keep them safe, but the downside is that from the perspective of a two-year-old or a twenty-year-old, it means that basically all they hear their parent say is no. No, no, no, no.
Harry Truman, father of a daughter, Margaret, had a clever quip about this: “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”
His point is that nobody likes to be told what to do. And your job isn’t to make them do all the things you want them to do; it’s to help them do the things they want to do (safely and within reason, of course).
It’s their life, after all. Learn how to say yes. Learn how to advise them on what they are going to do anyway—so that if you can’t stop it, you can at least prepare them. Be someone who helps, not the kind of parent who only gets in the way.