Plutarch tells the story of how Lycurgus reformed Spartan society from rebellious, rowdy, and soft to self-disciplined, temperate, and courageous. He bred two dogs from the same litter, then raised one in the home and one out in the hunting fields. When they were fully acclimated, Lycurgus brought both dogs to a public assembly. He set down the house dog’s food then the hunting dog’s. Before he released the dogs, he let loose a hare. The house dog went to his food. The hunting dog went after the hare.
“You see, fellow citizens,” Lycurgus said, “these dogs belong to the same stock, but by virtue of the discipline to which they have been subjected, they have turned out utterly different from each other, and you also see that training is more effective than nature for good.”
After his demonstration proved that nurture trumped nature, Lycurgus said, “So also in our case, fellow citizens, noble birth, so admired of the multitude, and our being descended from Heracles does not bestow any advantage, unless we do the sort of things for which he was manifestly the most glorious and most noble of all mankind, and unless we practice and learn what is good our whole life long.”
And so it goes with your own family. If we want great kids, then we have to do the work. We have to nurture the traits we want them to have, correct the ones we don’t.