Flea, one of the greatest musicians of all time, was a longtime dabbler in drugs and alcohol. Unlike his Red Hot Chili Peppers bandmates, Flea never got fully strung out. Drugs never blew up his life or turned him into a zombie. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he told himself he was managing the habit successfully—never taking drugs around his kids or blowing opportunities because of them. So why did he suddenly get sober? He explained it in an interview with the comedian and podcaster Marc Maron: I remember having a talk with someone once . . . about being a dad, and my daughter was about four years old or something. And I would get high when I was away from her or whatever, and say, “Oh, I don’t do it when I’m around her.” And they said, like, “All that matters as a parent is to be present for your kid and be communicative. And you have to be communicating with them when you’re not around them.” You have to be—it’s like being in a state where you’re always there for them. Like your spirit is always available whenever they need you. And that really resonated with me. And I love my kids so much and I was just like, “That’s it, I gotta be there.”
Presence, being there, is the key to parenting. And what are drugs and addiction and unaddressed issues in our lives but means of not being there. Which is why we have to sober up and deal with our demons, because even if they don’t feel like they are actively manifesting themselves at home, they are. They are taking us away from our kids. They are putting us in a position to not be there for them when they need us (and they will need us).
That kind of self-inflicted disconnection is unacceptable.