One of the most interesting passages in Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations is this one: Epithets for yourself: Upright. Modest. Straightforward. Sane. Cooperative. Try not to exchange for others.
These were essentially the words Marcus wanted to live by—his principles expressed in the fewest syllables possible. What if, as a parent, you sat down—ideally with your coparent—and fleshed out what those words mean for each of your children too? As in, what kind of kid are you trying to raise? What are the watchwords that you are attempting to move them toward with the choices you make as parents? Some obvious ones: Kind. Loyal. Moral. Honest.
And maybe some more specific ones to help them succeed in the world: Creative. Bilingual. Hardworking. Lifelong learner.
Maybe to some parents it’s important for their kids to be athletic. For others, that they be readers. For others still, that their kids live a life of service. There is a lot of room here for choice and, thankfully, most of the answers you come up with will be right. The important thing is not so much which epithets you choose but that you have chosen at all.
For, if you don’t know what you’re aiming for, how can you expect to hit a target? How do you know you’re not accidentally teaching them to exchange one epithet for another? The truth is you can’t. So get writing.