You love your kids more than anything. You think they’re God’s gift (which they are, to you!). You want them to know how you feel about them, and you feel bad when they feel bad about themselves. These are all perfectly healthy and laudable feelings.
At the same time, we have to make sure we’re not puffing up their ego with our endless praise. We have to manage our natural bias toward their virtues and limit our blindness to their vices. As Seneca wrote, this requires speaking honestly—with kindness—and holding them accountable for their actions. Even if that pains us. He explains: Flattery must be kept well out of the way of children. Let a child hear the truth, and sometimes fear it: let him always reverence it. Let him rise in the presence of his elders. Let him obtain nothing by flying into a passion: let him be given when he is quiet what was refused him when he cried for it. Let him behold, but not make use of his father’s wealth: let him be reproved for what he does wrong.
Seneca knew this balance was not easy—it isn’t for any parent. But if our goal is to raise well-adjusted, self-aware kids, we’ll have to work for it. Even if our instinct is to rush over and tell them they’re the greatest, most specialest little kiddos there ever were.