Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.
—Viktor Frankl
In her book Bringing Up Bébé, the author Pamela Druckerman talks about “le pause”—the pause—as the secret to French parenting. Druckerman describes it in the context of sleep training, but le pause can actually be a great strategy for parents in all facets of their kids’ lives.
When your son trips and falls, do you need to rush over? Or can you pause and let him figure out how hurt he is first, whether he wants or needs to cry? When your daughter comes over and tries to tell you something, do you have to complete her sentences? Or can you pause and let her struggle to find the words and work through what she is trying to say? When your teenager announces that they are quitting the basketball team, do you have to start arguing right away? Or can you pause and listen to their reasons and what they want to do instead? When your kid is home from college and scratches the car while borrowing it for the weekend, what if you don’t get upset? Can you pause and consider that it was almost certainly not intentional? As parents, we have to choose our responses wisely, not reflexively. We have to suspend judgment, listen, and think things over. We have to practice le pause so that our kids never have to stop and think about whether they will come to us with their problems, their questions, their hopes, and their dreams.