In The Second Mountain, David Brooks relates a conversation he had with an academic friend. “I don’t really know of many happy marriages,” the friend said. “I know a lot of marriages where parents love their kids.”
In such a marriage, your son or daughter misses out on a powerful example. “One of the greatest things a father can do for his children,” Howard W. Hunter once said, “is to love their mother.” Our notion of what a family is has expanded since he made that remark. We have single families. We have divorced families. We have trans families. We have blended families and coparenting families. We have gay families and even poly families. To each their own.
But the truth of the sentiment doesn’t change—in fact, it only expands. The best thing you can do for your kids is love the person who brought them into this world. The best thing you can do for your kids is love the person you are parenting them with. Even if you are no longer with that person, or if that person has deeply hurt or even betrayed you, you must love the person responsible for a good chunk of your kids’ DNA or identity. You must love who your kids love—that’s how they’ll know that they are loved.