In early 2021, the musician John Roderick was rightfully criticized by parents all over the world for missing the point on how to teach kids.
His daughter was hungry. He was busy. She wanted to cook some beans. He wanted her to figure out how to do it on her own. As he worked on a jigsaw puzzle, she struggled to open the can of baked beans with a can opener. She struggled and struggled and struggled. “Will you please just open the can?” she said. He wouldn’t—wanting this to be a lesson. She kept trying, he kept making suggestions (and tweeting about it). This went on and on and on and on for six hours, until she finally opened the can.
Roderick was dubbed “Bean Dad” for his efforts. There’s a difference between being a supportive parent and being a bean dad. There’s a difference between letting your kid wrestle with difficulty so they can be better for it and letting them fumble with a can so you can tweet a story.
No, our job isn’t to open every can for them. Nor is it to let them struggle in the dark for six hours. Step in, show them how to be self-sufficient. Show them how the damn can opener works! Start the can for them the first time and let them take it from there.
Be a guide; don’t be a bean dad.