In another great scene from Rich Cohen’s amazing book on parenting through the lens of youth hockey, Rich tries to console his son after he doesn’t make the team, in what was an extremely unfair process. Rich expected his son would be angry or at least aware of what had happened. He writes, “He was bugged but not devastated or even all that upset. Which upset me. Why did I care more than he did?”
This is a great question. Why do you care more than they do? Why are you spending so much time telling them they’ve been hurt (when they haven’t been)? Why do you need them to take everything as seriously as you do? When our kids get older, some of these things will become their problem. But for now? Let them have their childhood. They are young; they understand and feel things differently than you do. Don’t assume that the “adult” way is better or necessarily more correct. There is a wisdom to their innocence—defer to it, or at least respect it enough not to corrupt it.