The parenting style that is good for grit is also the parenting style good for most other things: Be really, really demanding, and be very, very supportive.
—Angela Duckworth
Ed Stack was a great kid. He worked quietly and loyally for the family business, Dick’s Sporting Goods. He saved up enough money that eventually he could buy his father out and grow the family legacy. He tells the story of the first big-box store he opened. The company had previously operated stores that were a couple thousand square feet at most. This new store was twenty thousand square feet. It was transformative for the business —sales skyrocketed.
Reps from Nike were talking to Ed’s father, the original founder, and said something about how proud he must be of his kid. To be succeeding like that. To be taking the store to the next level. As Ed explained, “My father, who could never really quite give you a compliment, looked at them and said, ‘You’re right, they did a lot of business. They did 25 percent more business than they thought they would the first month. So they’re not really as smart as they think they are.’ ”
Sadly, who hasn’t heard something like this from someone they desperately wanted to make proud? Those backhanded compliments. That way of cutting you down to size, of looking for some flaw, of seizing on your insecurities. What bullshit it is! Instead of taking the opportunity to show their love, they have to let their own fragile sense of self get in the way.
The minimum of being a good parent is not being a minimizer. Don’t look for what’s wrong, look for what’s right . . . and celebrate it! Lift them up,
don’t cut them down. Root for them; that’s what they want more than anything.