These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.
—Marcus Aurelius
At the core of most of the conflict between parents and children—and so often spouses—is one thing: judgment. We have opinions and they have opinions, and these opinions are the source of disagreement. If we, as parents, would like to have a better relationship with our children, there is one simple thing we can do: we can have fewer opinions.
Do you really need to have an opinion on what kind of food is served at your daughter’s wedding (even if you are paying for it)? Do you need to have an opinion on the way they do their hair? Their friends are their friends— what does it matter what you think of them or their parents? So what if they like music that sounds weird to you? So what if they want to raise their own kids a different way? Few things in life are better off with your judgment hovering over them . . . your family most of all.