We must be what we wish our children to be. They will form their characters from ours.
—John S. C. Abbott
There are things we don’t want our kids to do. So we set up rules. We create punishments. We supervise them closely. And this works—to a degree—but it’s also exhausting. Meanwhile, we neglect the most powerful deterrent and the most influential motivator: our own actions.
Plutarch tells us: Fathers ought above all . . . to make themselves a manifest example to their children, so that the latter, by looking at their fathers’ lives as at a mirror, may be deterred from disgraceful deeds and words. For those who are themselves involved in the same errors as those for which they rebuke their erring sons, unwittingly accuse themselves in their sons’ names.
If you don’t want them to do something, if you want to deter them from some negative influence or bad choice, let your actions be the guide. Let your life both spur them and deter them. In this way, you can be their inspiration in any moment.